FTDT

There is that big Metromix party tomorrow, and I’m sure that’s going to be a really great time. Enjoy it. Arts, Beats & Eats will be going on which I’m sure will be a pretty good deal, too. Hamtramck Labor Day Festival, The Jazz Festival, and anything else that I’m leaving out.. have a good time.

Where you SHOULD be planning on going is Panic In Hamtramck, if for no other reason that this is the poster:

I have no idea why sometimes I forget how amazing these shows always end up being. I’ve yet to see Druid Perfume, but it’s composed of some ex-Piranhas who put on one of, if not the best live shows I’ve ever seen.

The same goes for Gardens, who somehow I haven’t seen, but I remember Genders blowing my mind on a semi-regular basis. I should probably see more things like this.

Sugarcoats, Mahonies, and Uproars have all put on shows that I loved, so one of your next three days, or three of your next three days should probably be spent down at the Painted Lady. No reported muggings as of late.

Nowhere in here does it mention the sawed off shotgun guy. I feel like he got ripped off. Also, how do I sue for them using my likeness?

Do I understand correctly that in the last two weeks three people have been mugged coming or going from The Belmont in Hamtramck?   Here is some discussion about it.

I know, girls should all be inside when the street lights come on or have a big strong man to protect them.  Wait.  If some dude with a sawed off shotgun comes up, I’ll hand him your purse myself.   Take off those earrings too, bitch.  You’re gonna get us shot.

I don’t know everything about it, but… 3 people, over 2 weeks, that’s one every 4.66 days.  It’s probably more likely to happen on a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday..  3 in 2 weeks at the same location?  You really can’t catch this guy?  If Detroit can mobilize a SWAT team for kids dancing, it’s not a leap for me to think Hamtramck could put an unmarked car right in the area during time this is likely to happen?

Hamtramckanders, you’re more than welcome in the beautiful sunny city of Detroit.  This right here tells me that in the previous 2 weeks, in a 1/2 mile radius of my house, there have been 2 incidents or larceny, an arson, 2 auto thefts, a burglary, and an assault.  Fuck.  I guess I’ll see you in Hamtramck.

 Hamtramck Hustle: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

What’s today, Tuesday?  Wow.  So telling you about the awesome things I saw over the weekend would be OLD NEWS.  Either way, they included several X-Files episodes that were sitting on my DVR, both Law & Order SVU and Criminal Intent.  I saw a little bit of live hip-hop, but that doesn’t count because hip-hop isn’t music.

So certainly I missed something.  Tell me a story.  Tell me how that one thing was that I can’t even mention the name of without a giant backlash.

Motorcityrocks.com was sold, huh?  Are Gary and Matt still going to show up from time to time to write something I’d like to read?  Using this link, it says motorcityrocks is worth a bundle.  It also says this website is worth $0,  so it’s retarded.   Big Wave Dave should have realized that before changing his posts to use only his initials as an obvious tribute to yours truly.  jrc + bwd = omg.  No more than 2 Kid Rock mentions per week, and we’ll all get along splendidly.

The Go is playing with Chuck D? Sweet.  Guilty Simpson and The Muggs.  Fantastic.  This is just like that one guys dream.  I heard someone else I liked was playing but I can’t for the life of me remember who it was.  Either way, someone else good.

The Metromix is going to get you drunk, and let you do things for free too.  I don’t even know what Metromix is, but some girl claiming to be from Metromix asked me what questions to ask in a Deastro interview a few weeks ago.  She’s lucky she was cute, or I would’ve been a total prick about it.

Is anyone playing tonight anywhere?

Look at Corktown Tavern pulling off the solid weekend of events. Love Meets Lust and Marco Polio tonight, and Night Shall Eat These Girls and Boys tomorrow. I’ve been there more this summer than I had in my entire life before that. I think the sound system was upgraded, or maybe I just never noticed that it was pretty solid. They are one central air installation away from being a contending venue for the bigger Detroit shows. By bigger, I mean a draw of 60+.

If you’re feeling extra-froggy, Soul Clique plays at the Detroit Institute of Arts at 7pm and 8:30pm tonight.

The band is the brainchild of Enemy Squad and P-Funk touring band member Duminie DePorres, Aretha Franklin’s touring bassist Joseph Hayden and DJ James “The Blackman” Harris. Soul Clique will provide an evening of driving funk, with an ethereal atmosphere unique to their special style of music making.

Sounds like something that would be hard to go wrong with. PLUS, if you’re a Detroit resident the DIA is free on Fridays. Go see that one picture that one guy drew of himself that shot himself after he cut off his ear and sent it to some broad, a wooden motorcycle, and a LAPD uniform stapled to the wall.

I’ve said before that I’m not really a huge fan of benefits.  I had a less than 20 minute talk with someone recently about a benefit they were putting together, which sounded like a very worthy cause.  Then they said “Yeah, the venue is really into it.”  Really?  That caused me to ask if the venue was donating 100% of it’s profits from the night as well.  That hadn’t been discussed, but I’ll assume the answer is of course, no.  So the venue is really into making the same amount of money they would be any other night and the bands playing there not getting paid.  Of course they’re into it.   My suggestion was to ask the venue to donate a few kegs, or some cases of beer.. get a ‘guest bartender’ and take the money made from the alcohol and also put it toward “the cause.”   Maybe the venue would be totally into it.  I’m guessing probably not.

Then Summer Smash?  Really?  Maybe I don’t have all the information, which has never stopped me before.. but I do know one of the bands playing wasn’t even informed it was a benefit until last week.  This benefit, though? This one is brilliant.  Bands are going to come play for free, and the money made is going to go into some grant, where bands can apply for the money.   In THEORY, your band could play a show for free that makes the money to fund another bands recording that didn’t play.  At least fucking lie to me and say it’s a benefit for cancer, or The Humane Society or something.

“It’s a benefit/fundraiser for..”
Yeah. I’m sure it is.  Keep this in mind, though.  The MOCAD had an awesome fundraiser earlier this year where The Go, The Silent Years, Lee Marvin Computer Arm, Deastro, and more were all PAID in the neighborhood of 200$ to participate.  This shows me that if someone puts forth a little effort and planning, that it’s possible to pull off.  How much is your band getting when you play SUMMER SMASH this year?  A fundraiser for artists, in which you ask artists to perform without paying them, so you can have money to give to artists!  I’m going to say that every day in hopes it doesn’t confuse anyone other than me.  I’ll ask a question I know the answer to and have a conversation with myself to save you the trouble.

JRC: “So all these bands are going to play for free.. but you’re still going to charge a fee at the door, right?  Where does that money go?”
JRC pretending to be Summersmash: “Well Jay, it goes in a grant where local musicians can apply for it and then use it for studio time and things like that.”
JRC: “Oh.  Well, the bands playing the benefit could probably all use some studio time money… so since they’re the ones bringing in the money for you to put in the grants for bands who need studio time money, maybe you should split it amongst them?”
JRC pretending to be Summersmash: “No.”
JRC: “Okay.”

Times are tight here in Dirty Mitten, so I figured I would pass this one along..

There will be casting calls for employment at the new Blondies on Wednesday, August 20th and Thursday, August 21st from 6:00pm - 9:00pm both days. You may bring driver’s license or some form of ID and will be asked to fill out complete applications and will have the first interview. We are hiring for, BARTENDERS, WAITSTAFF, SECURITY, DOORMEN AND BARBACKS. The address is: 2281 W. Fort Street, Detroit, MI. 48216.

Any funny stories or jokes from last night are most certainly trumped by some very sad news.
UPDATE - Here is another article that reiterates what everyone has been telling me all along.. that this guy was an amazing person top to bottom.

One of the guitarists from Spitting Nickels, Tom Furtaw, collapsed last night on stage opening for Blue Oyster Cult at The RenCen’s Wintergarden. Later in the evening it was confirmed that he had passed away. Something like this brings it right to the forefront about how precious the time we have is, and how things like this can happen to anyone. My thoughts are with the family and the band during this time, and I’m sure further information will be available in the coming days.

Here’s an early report.

via The Onion

HAZEL PARK, MI—In a statement made to reporters earlier this afternoon, local idiot Brandon Mylenek, 26, announced that at approximately 2:30 a.m. tonight, he plans to post an idiotic comment beneath a video on an Internet website.

Mylenek, a moron, prepares to publicly address the “dumbest shiz [he’s] evr seen!!!1!”

“Later this evening, I intend to watch the video in question, click the ‘reply’ link above the box reserved for user comments, and draft a response, being careful to put as little thought into it as possible, while making sure to use all capital letters and incorrect punctuation,” Mylenek said. “Although I do not yet know exactly what my comment will entail, I can say with a great degree of certainty that it will be incredibly stupid.”

Mylenek, who rarely in his life has been capable of formulating an idea or opinion worth the amount of oxygen required to express it, went on to guarantee that the text of his comment would be misspelled to the point of incomprehension, that it would defy the laws of both logic and grammar, and that it would allege that several elements of the video are homosexual in nature.

“The result will be an astonishing combination of ignorance, offensiveness, and sheer idiocy,” Mylenek said.

According to the idiot, he will become incensed at the quality and sentiment of the comments already posted below the video—which will include such replies as “not great, nice try tho,” “FIRSTIES!!!” and “wtf?? lol so random.” At this point, Mylenek said, he will feel a deep, unwavering desire to offer a dissenting opinion, which he has hinted will include the words “gay” and “reatrd” [sic].

“It is my moral obligation to alert the Internet community to the fact that this video is totally gay, and furthermore, that the individual who made it is a fag,” Mylenek said.

Pressed for further details regarding his intended post, Mylenek, who will comment under the Internet pseudonym “xblingdaddy2005x,” revealed that there is a strong possibility he will inadvertently post the comment twice.

“After clicking the ’submit’ button, I will immediately refresh the page so that I can view my own comment. I will then notice that my comment has not appeared because the server has not yet processed my request, become angry and confused, and re-post the same comment with unintentional variations on the original wording and misspellings, creating two slightly different yet equally moronic comments,” he said. “It is my hope that this will illustrate both my childlike level of impatience and my inability to replicate a simple string of letters and symbols 30 seconds after having composed it.”

Mylenek confirmed rumors that he will be momentarily sidetracked by another inane task while drafting his comment. The distraction is scheduled to come at 2:25 a.m. in the form of a “related video” link featuring a man being sodomized by a horse, which Mylenek will re-watch seven times and laugh obnoxiously at with his friend and fellow idiot, Steve Blanchette, 28.

“Once this minor diversion is complete, I will finish posting my comment, then sit there like the worthless human being I am and wait for other commenters to respond,” he added. “Because, as I mentioned before, I have nothing better to do with my life.”

Mylenek said he fully expects that his comment will spawn a series of replies from other idiots around the world, who will either agree with his stance, disagree with his stance, or call Mylenek himself a “d0uche” and post an irrelevant link to a separate video that they will claim to be “way funnier.” According to Mylenek, this is all part of the plan.

“We are blessed to be living in an age when we have a global communications network in which idiots, assholes, and total and complete wastes of fucking human life alike can come together to give instant feedback in an unfettered and unmonitored online environment,” Mylenek said. “What better way to take advantage of this incredible technology than to log onto the Internet and insult a complete stranger?”

According to media critic Judy Turner, this type of behavior is not uncommon among idiots.

“Brandon’s comments in particular contain a degree of unoriginality and stupidity that you only see in the most muttonheaded and imbecilic Internet commenters,” Turner said. “In fact, I’ve seen him use at least a dozen variations of the word ‘gay.’ Suffice it to say, Brandon Mylenek is a truly stupid, stupid idiot.”

Mylenek concluded his press conference with a solemn vow to uphold the awful, unintelligible, anger-inducing quality of his past Internet comments.

“I promise everyone that this post will be exactly what you have come to expect from an idiot like myself,” he said, “and that I will check my comment regularly so that I can call everyone who says it’s stupid a fag.”

Yesterday I looked at an absolutely amazing location which may be interested in continuing that Art F*g after dark series we were doing before The Detroit Police figured it was a huge drug and prostitution ring.. err.. kids dancing.  I will keep you in the know through these 1’s and 0’s.

I also saw that Duke Spirit show at the Magic Stick.  It was really good, but I feel like I should talk some shit about it because, well, that’s what keeps shit interesting.

Sik Sik Nation opened the show.  There are a few things that when I see a band using it/them it makes me feel like I will like them.  Does that make any sense?  Left handed drummers always seem to play in bands I like, guitars that say “rickenbacker” on them, amps that say “orange” on them, twisty telephone guitar cables, weirdo effect pedals and boxes that I’m not even sure of their use.. one or more of those things seem to be a good indication that I’ll like something about your band.  Sik Sik Nation?  Four out of five ain’t bad.  Some blogger compared them to 3 Days Grace, because he was obviously retarded.   Go hear here, then you tell me.

The Satin Peaches should be considered unstoppable.  “Didn’t you just talk some bullshit about throwback rock, dude?”  Yeah, I guess.  But these guys are a little different.  It’s kind of like these kids had cool older brothers with the entire Sub Pop catalog, but one of them had a sister who was all about Creation Records.  I don’t know, maybe that makes no sense, since who knows who’s writing whose songs these days?

Duke Spirit was good.   Hot blonde + good rock band = never fails.  They needed some pirate masks, or a pinata.  “Her backup band should be Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.”  That’s what someone said to me.

Here is my negative comment.  It’s so hard to bring in an (unestablished) indie band from the UK.  The door price has to be $12.  I get that.  The idea of having local openers, is so that people come out to the show to help out the headliner without the big fanbase yet, right?  But why would a huge SikSik Nation fan pay $12 this week, when they can see them play for free at The Lager House next week?  The Satin Peaches have no dates posted to further my cause, but I bet you could see them for less than $12 locally, too.  I know, e’rybody loves that money.  Everybody.

Tonight you should to the Lager House where it costs none of that green stuff to get you in.  Put your drinks on the Detour tab when you’re there, too.  Tell them I said it was okay.